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Tuesday, March 21, 2006
i dun know . but while i was joggin earlier todae . things have been runnning thru my mind . despite the tireness, perspiration and all . and i started to ask my heart what do i want . wat do i seek fer in my life . and the first thing tt came to my mind was my r/s . i dun know but this wat my heart finally speaks of . i dun seem to feel tt strong fer u anymore like how i use to feel fer u . iits just different . its just weird . thou i still get those sudden rushes every time we get close or exchange kisses . its just not enough to compensate the feelings tt's lost .
i think abt the reason why it has decreased . and why my heart's not in it . i dun mean all the time its ur fault when there are quarrells . i dun mean its ur fault each tyme we bicker . but come to think of it . how often to i agitate ur angry cells . or sae stuff to provoke u . dun talk abt now . when i think of it . the words u said . its just i-dun-know-how-to-explain kind . yea . hai . im begining to feel really negative abt it . seriously . in all honesty . i dun see a future . as in like an ending with you . be it u be it anyone . i dun see it there . nor it coming . maybe im just not ready .
while i was jogging . i think of the times i got so very upset . and i was weighing if i did had more enjoyable daes or bad sour daes . to tell u the truth . the most most happy moments tt i can remember being with u was new year's eve . and the dae we spent at the zoo . the rest . were bad donkey daees . i dun know . i dun know why .
is things really not walking in the right way fer us ? . i remember myself saying abt the months grace . its coming to an end soon . and i know even if we end . u wldn want to be my friend . cause u dun wan some one u love being ur friend . cause to u its hurtful . and i wanna tell u even if come one dae we are apart . i wld ALWAES be ur friend . prollly i wld be waiting fer u to tell me tt u will accept me as ur fren again . yea .
we will see . it takes two hand to clap . u cant have one sided . i mean quarrels after quarrels . its tiring its exhausting fer both u and me . its just like a repeated cycle . im human . i wld get irritated and tired over love games .
next come my studies . after another abt 1half years i wld be graduating . and get my ass to work . i can forsee myself being a workaholic . work and work . earn and earn . i think by 20 years of age . the year i get my dip . i wld be working like fucking hard . to live myself off . (: be a successful woman in the society . get my ideal home, my ideal car .
and later when i think im financially stable . i wld settle down by 28 . start family by 30 . (: wat dreams im having . when im already kinda scared to fall in love . and now its worst . its marriage . its a lifetime thing . u cant jsut sae break up . u cant just sae u dun want him anymore . its all a different story . yea .
but i think im thinking too much . gotta work on my studies now . and the rest time will tell .
denise
3:22 AM